Friday, July 21, 2006
theres so much thoughts racing thru the puny under-developed brain of mine.
i cant seem to be able to fully understand the need for humans to be so complicated,
the complexity of the human mind.
call me naive, call me dumb.
for allowing myself to be hurt, to expose myself to such vulnerabilities.
i had a choice.
but i chose to believe despite whatever i had heard, whatever i had gone through.
i actually persisted to trust u.
but only to face with heartaches, heartbreaks at the end of the day.
geez, why cant life be simpler?
i hate to analyse the complexity of the human nature.
how do u know if someone mean what they say?
how do u know if that person has evil intentions?
how do u know if that person can be trusted?
how do u know if the person is harmless?
truely i do not know what i am going thru right now. i cant actually define the emotion that i am feeling this instance.
i do not know if it is just pure anger or is it compounded with a tinge of
hatred.
but i have to say that life's good w/o having to come in contact with u again.
i do not know if these are rash words that are being said with the irrational mind of mine.
or is it a reflex action, a self-defense mechanism stimulated by the pain coming from the deeply wounded and badly scarred organ of life. some called it the seed of passion.
truely lets just say i am
lost.why should i be bothered.
truely, i am afraid to fall in love again.
it has become a phobia to voice my love for anyone right now.
i feel weird doing it.
the word love seems so foreign and alien.
i shant use the word love for quite awhile.
i doubt its value.
it has lost its initial meaning.
but i treasue the friends around me alot.
i have to thank CASE, Ain, Reflection and many others for their concern
for being there for me in times of difficulties.
i cant imagine what life would be like w/o them.
u were seldom there when i needed u.
yes u r just one person, u cant be there for everybody around u.
its ok.
it doesnt matter anymore.
u need not worry that u have insufficient time to spare for others around u.
cos i volunteer to head for the exit.
u need not shove me out of the exit door anymore.
i take my leave.
is it wrong to yearn for a simple life?
