Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Have we become a more understanding bunch of people who bother to question beyond what we see?
Or have we evolved to become overly judgmental, jumping to whatever conclusion that we can conjure up with?
I hate it when I'm accused, misinterpreted and misunderstood.
And usually when this happen, I don't see a point at all to argue my way through.
If you do understand me, if you knew me at all, knew what I have been through before, you wouldn't judged.
I no longer know what I want, or what I can have.
My past experiences have made me increasingly insecure. A big plunge on my self esteem.
Unappreciated.
I did love Chad, but I wasn't sexually attracted to him. As incomprehensible to you this may be, it was that case. And I have no explanation for that.
I did like James, if i didn't I wouldn't have been so affected when I did not feel that it was mutual.
The feeling just slowly slipped away. And i don't know why again.
My emotion is like a stranger to me. It just passes by before I can get a chance to get to know it better.
I hate it when you guys termed me a player.
I'm tired of believing and trusting. And I learnt the only way not to be hurt, is to be aloof, to keep a safe distance from anyone.
Attachment won't develop, and disappointment won't occur without expectation out of such treasured attachment.
Increasingly numb.
and increasingly cold, barren my heart feels.
I don't feel worthy, good enough for anyone to love.
it was a mistake to have naively believed that I am worthy of any love.
i'm just a convenient companion once again, and there it goes again.
The familiar ache.
Friday, May 06, 2011
i miss u, nigel.
Sunday, May 01, 2011
I'm getting rusty with finding the right words to pen down my thoughts.
I just know that this feeling i'm having, sucks big time.
if its not a mutual affection please do tell me and not lie to me that everything is fine.
tell-tale signs:
1) constantly texting in my company
2) not replying my text promptly like how u do with others
3) the look u give me whenever u glance at me
4) theres nothing much u have to say to me
all i can say, i'm officially tired of guessing, tired of prompting u to tell me what's wrong.
i'm leaving.
