feels like tonight

Saturday, September 30, 2006

i swear i love them: reflections, scandal, darl, dear, hot jie, cupcake, little miss demanding girl n missy me.
lol

missy me: thnz for boosting my self esteem, hope it is working. lol

scandal: thnz a milz. really. i feel so blessed to have friends like u.remember that we will be here for u no matter what too k. anything must tell me. i help u hamtam whoever bully u. *chop chop chop* *evil chuckle*

aileen: =) i am so touched by ur words too. angels must have brought u here.

reflection: cheer up k. keep working hard. dun disheartened soon the A's will be over and we will all ace it.

darl: HEY!!!! hair bunner. lol. dont stress dont stress. we will all fight this battle together =)

cupcake: testing testing. this is just testingto see if cupcake readsmy blog. LOL

dear: pls bring a poncho along next time. in case it "rained" on u again. lol. n dun spent toomuch time with ur part-time scandals (R,D,J)
SPENT MORE TIME WE US!!!! we love u more.haha

hot jie: thnz for lending me ur ears and giving those advices. dontworry i will be fine with u peeps around =) anything bothering u must tell us k.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

truely am i the worst friend anyone can have?

four weeks have passed
since i strained my voice
and my voice shows no sign of yearning to return.

I CANT SING ALREADY!!! =(((

geez.....

LOSt and still finding:
my voice

hey peeps keep a look out for my voice, if u happen to pick it up somewhere by the roadside please return it to me k.

pls contact me at: i-want-my-voice-back 4926869864232225

its really demoralising. sigh.

missy ME: lol kk u r not dhashine. i am sorry that i labelled dhashine to be a liar.

axe: if ppl only care for the ppl they need in life, isnt that as good as generalising that every individuals in this world are superficial?
and so we shouldnt be caring for those that we don't need in our life?
and how do u categorise those that we need or we do not need?
and we only care for ppl that we know well?

i am truely disappointed.

and lets face it too.
what makes u think i am avoiding communicating with u?
so to u...i am the kind of person whereby u will label as superficial in that sense, caring for those that i need?
n i am that kind that avoid communication becos or those reasons u mentioned?
if u think that fear keep me away from many things...then u r wrong.
i do everything i believe in even if there is an overwhelming level of fear involved.
i stay true to myself.
i live my life once. i do not want to be regretting only on my death bed.
i cherish everyone that entered my life, regardless i need them a not.
n i do not marginalise them
neither do i catergorise them into those i need.

if u doubt my care and concern, i am truely extremely disappointed.
so that is how much u know me, and how u view me.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

went out with the FREAKS last friday. cool peeps =) miss the crazy times

lol.

listening to my bro telling story. LOL. his class damn happening. so drama. lOL.

those who want to know what its abt, ask him to retell. COMICAL MAN!!! LOl.

to missy ME: LOL, u sound like a fake secret admirer! LOL. reveal yourself miss pretty.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

i cant help but mock at my own naivety.

it was sheer stupidity to trust u b4. lol

geez. ARGH...
in a weird ARGHY mood again. haha

u have impacted my life so great. i no longer believe in what i once strongly believed in.
how to trust again?

Sunday, September 24, 2006

FULL HOUSE tonight!!!!!

lol. fav show currently.

somehow i feel funny still.
but i dun exactly know the reason anymore.
past experiences seem to worsen my analytical skills.
i no longer know how to analyse.
no longer know how to decipher any situation.
no longer know what is going on around me.
no longer know how i can help to improve it

i lose the ability to analyse.

i can only feel sudden strong surge of emotions but no longer know the reason behind that emotions.

am i still sane?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

had a great time catching up with my ex classmates.
the freaks.

miss them man.

spent most of the time wandering around raffles city and suntec with cheryl n yiteng.(the pretty twins.lol)

i cant wait to meet up with them again. n with roger and company too.

thnz reflection, aileen for ur words of advice =)

thnz hot sexy jie for acknowledging my hotness. LOL

Friday, September 22, 2006

felt really drained and tired yesterday.
i feel asleep right away after i lay in bed.

the first time after weeks of insomia.
geez

but only to wake up to be greeted with emptiness

feeling real empty deep inside.
but i dunno why.

somehow there doesnt seem to be any reason being this emptiness
i question myself why i am feeling so horrible and empty deep inside.
but there doesnt seem to be any answers to that.

probably its normal. i mean theres so many things in life that happen for no reason right?

lol. argh. banish this weird emotion.

i love u peeps: reflection, sexy hot jie, darl, cupcake, dear, scandal, gai, kiwtie pie, the greatest, gua family, freaks....
u all have touched my life one way or another.
simply glad that i have met u all in my life.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

cant wait for A's to end.

theres this endless list of things that i wanna do.
o man.

1) watch lots n lots of VCDS n DVDS (eg. charmed, full house)
2) travel overseas with my friends and family
3) take up dance (eg, hiphop, ballroom(with sexy darl =)))
4) resume vocal lesson
5) find a job
6) resume piano lesson
7) take up wakeboarding
8) learn guitar
9) learn drum
10) revamp my wardrobe
11) take up another language (eg. korean, french)
12) go Kboxing with reflection and *wink wink* LOL
13) catch up with exclassmates and cca mates and schoolmates
14) attend my cousin's wedding
15) sleeeeeeeep more. zZZZZzzz
16) ask peter to teach me basketball (hey peter ting dao ma? lol)
16) tanning
17) i want to put braces!
18) make full use of my hols

blah blah and so the list goes on and on and on......

geezzzzzZ cant the hols come abit faster?

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

theres something wrong with the com.
ARGH

hmmm been trying to squeeze formulas after formulas into the little available space of the puny brain of mine.

i am missing someone i shouldnt be missing.
GEEzZ.

did i say how much i hope that the stars will not forsake me
but lit up my way to guide me along.

Monday, September 18, 2006

yawn...

hardly slept yesterday night.

had been tossing and turning for at least an hour as usual.
geez i think i am suffering from insomia or something.

bio paper in another 3 hrs time.
godblessme man.

hopefully i dun screw this paper like how i did for the rest of the papers.

n i need GREAT MIRACLE to happen for me to even finish 1/3 of my maths paper tmr.
lol.

its weird how easily memories are triggered off....
and so difficult to stop being replayed

i was so certain that i had moved on.
i really thought so.

maybe i have, and whatever i am feeling now may just be a sudden passing phase of emotions
probably it will just fade away when i wake up in the morning.
i hope so.

less than 3 weeks away.

but it doesnt matter now

since

i guess i will just leave it aside...

LOL. whats wrong with me?
probably its just the exam stress.

i want to be certain that i have moved on again.
i want to convince myself.
i want it badly
cos it will always be unrequitted.

always.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

i miss my SCANDALSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
n HOT SEXY CLASSMATES!!!!!
lol
i cant wait for A's to end and spent quality time with my classmates friends n family (=

as for now....

i shall try my very best to study hard, i will pledge that i will force myself to study even when i have zero motivation.
strive on GC!!!!! n all his follow counterparts.
we an do it
we can conquer our enemies: promos, prelims and A's.

*fight*

Thursday, September 14, 2006

screwed my papers so far. lol

sigh....

its weird how often all of us always hope to turn back time
to go back to the past.
to change what we have done wrong.
to change the present situation.
we think of the many what ifs....

but truely as much as we hope as much as we wish
as much as we think
as strong as our desires to do so are
as long as this may last....

nothing's gonna change
and theres no point hoping for it to.
its all our past mistakes..
mistakes that we have made...
the things that we perceived we had done wrong
the times we blame others for not keeping promises
the need for us to lie to ourselves...to be self deluding..

truely its all these past that have actually
made us mature
made us stronger
made us to grow into who we are today.

so i guess theres no point....
hoping or wishing
unless theres truely a what if that lies around some dark corner that give us that so called gleam of hope in times of need.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

at this rate i am going,
i am so gonna be blacklisted by the teachers.

today had quite a productive day staring at my maths paper.
we spent lots of quality time together, trying to decipher one another.

i was basically stoning right at my exam desk, not knowing how to answer at least 70% of the questions.
partly becos i practically wasted my one week hols.
obviously i would just blank out during the exams. sighhhh...

i am so darn worried now for my other papers.
i guess its the price to pay for being lazy n to prcrastinate.
i deserve it huh..

but still....
i pray thy lord for mircles beyond miracles for me to pass at least. amen.

Monday, September 11, 2006

i am so dead. lol.

i am so gonna fail maths. bleah =X

outta my mind to have 3 posts in a day.

just finished watching FULL HOUSE.
interesting show..
i shall catch it every sunday at 1030 from now on. lol

GP paper will be at 8 am ...n i have not read any GP notes yet ..
die...

but o well....

Ps: its damn scary and coincidental when the new blog entry of someone is the lyrics of my blog song. but life is just unpredictable n full of coincidences. o well....

NIGHTS!! all the best for promos n prelims peeps. =)

Sunday, September 10, 2006

o man i am so tired of cramming. YAWNs.

some cool pics i found on the net as i'm too bored

its time like this that make me question why din i take com graphics..
its so darn cool...

i know its kjnd of anticlimax but it just happened to capture my attention so i decided to put it up too...lol

with the prelims just less than 24hrs away, who in the right mind would actually have the mood to blog right now right?

yea i am insane..
geez... i am so freaking worried but the motivation is just not there.

ARGH.

watched i am sam yesterday night.
it is a touching story with a very interesting yet realistic plot.
tackling the issue of society stereotypes of the mentally disabled ppl.

true that they may not be the norms in the society however that doesnt make them abnormal, just like any minorities in this cruel society.

not everyone is fortunate enough to be endowed with many things that ppl take for granted.
but that doesnt mean that we shld be biased against them or to give them the stares.
how would it feel if we were the one to be stared at?
just a simple stare from any crowd in a shopping mall, will make us wonder if we had stained our clothes or that something had stuck in between our teeth.
we just feel uneasy and how much we wish that theres this huge hole that can fit us in that instance.

its weird how often we always take things around us for granted and are nv contented.
i mean its good that we aim for better grades, better quality of work, better efficiency..... and so the list goes on.
its only thhen can we improve.
however, many a times, we only aim for better in aspects that concern us and we just turn a blind eye to those that seem(and i mean seem) unrelated to us.
shouldnt we aim to be a better person by being more understanding and show more empathy towards others.
shouldnt we aim to make the societ a better place to live in?
so that noone feels left out?
or alienated?

geezzz.....i am getting too far-fetched..

ok i shall get back to CRAMMING (and i do mean cramming)
argh.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Noone can go back
& make a brand new start
Anyone can start from now
& make a brand new ending

God did not promise

days without pain

laughter without sorrows
sun without rain
but he promise
strength for the day
comfort for the tears
& light for the way

Disappointments are like road humps
they slow you down abit but
you enjoy the smooth road afterwards
don't stay on the humps for too long
move on

When you feel down cos you didn't get what you want
just sit tight and be happy
cos god is thinking of something better to give you
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know that there are many people around me
who are feeling down lately due to
relationship, friendship, family problems
or even due to the overwhelming level of exam stress they are facing
or all of the above.
I just hope that the motivational words above
brighten ur day and give u the strength to move on and cheer up.
may all of u be happy and stay happy& positive =)))
Smile always.

Friday, September 08, 2006

i should be studying for prelims right now but i just cant conjure any of my already short attention span on my books n notes.

its weird how much motivation n perseverance i had as a J1 student last yr..
but this yr which is supposedly the most critical yr of my JC life
i am like wasting my life away....
i have like ZERO motivstion to study n revise....
even when i suddenyl do feel motivated ..it only last for like
15mins at most?
geezzz..i am so dead...

hmmmm....

as crazy as it sound..
i miss school so much...
i miss my classmates n friends...

i miss my ex classmates in other schools toooo....
geezzzz...
whats with the sentimental mood man..
LOL..

I need to play BISHI BASHI
have more GUMMIES
no PRELIMS
have all my FRIENDS and family around me
and i will be the happiest boy on earth man.

may god ans my prayers n make prelims go away....
if that is not possible....
hmm....

ermmm...

i dunno how also...
forget it then...

[XuanAn's bday]