Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I am supposed to be the ever obedient student who listens attentively to whatever is being taught in class.
But apparently I am too tired now to focus, moreover to retain any new knowledge my senior is trying so hard to impart me at this very moment on video editing.
Feel pretty zomb out.
Just can't wait for my graded acting to be over and done with.
and in this huge dilemma whether i should go to my coursemate's place for mj later after my project meeting.
so tempting despite my fatigue.
BUT!!!! he lives in yishun and my meeting is at bugis!!!
and it's already tueday! 5 more days before my PRECIOUS recess week is over =(
o sleep o sleep wherever u are, i yearn for you but i have an affair with mahjong
please forgive me for turning my back on you, you can hate me all you want, that i understand.
But i really still do love you.
like really deep deep.
i love you sleep.
I have no idea why i am feeling slightly affected by what i heard.
i am supposed to be happy for him right.
i mean i am. i really do. happy for him.
but sad for myself.
hahaha
PS: and at this moment, 'unstoppable' is playing at the background, i never knew i had that song in my ipod.
recalled u singing that very same song.
just felt like jotting this down, my head's all messed up and it cant concentrate on the journals which are DUE TMR!!!!
Fuck.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Just got home from another long day in school.
I am enjoying school despite it being draining on me most of the time.
It feels really good to be learning new stuffs each and everyday.
I like that feeling, especially when it involves discovery about myself in the process.
but the ironic part is that, our identity is ever changing cos we are shaped by our life experiences.
its like you begin to understand who you are and then after awhile you are not the person you discovered yourself to be.
maybe that explains why i seem to be so lost so often in life. I sometimes have no idea who i exactly am.
and i wonder if by having certain emotions mean that i am a bad person.
such as jealousy, hatred(in the past, not currently)...
but I never have any intention to hurt anybody intentionally, but does it makes a difference if the person is hurt somehow by my actions.
does it actually mean I am not a bad person because i never intent to inflict harm.
is it justified to say that as long as there's no intent, i should not feel guilty about it?
sometimes the inter and intra personal communication between and within people are just so mind boggling.
Caught this wonderful movie during my magical realism module.
the director did achieve what he set out for the movie to be:
to leave the movie viewers feeling good.
Its about how the character Amelie is able to enjoy the simple things in life.
the playing on the magic of nostalgia, childhood and reality.
Despite the movie having elements of magic in it, it is actually just bringing across the point how we should take a step back and enjoy life's little things which we so easily missed out these days and take for granted.
The movie is not based on complex situation or complex human emotions.
Its interesting how we as individuals missed all these and only come to be aware of it through a movie such as this.
The ever so hectic lives of ours and the endless pursuit of materialistic items and the compounding involvement in complex human relations
have somehow made us neglect the simple pleasures in life.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
I just had to clicked on the photo album.
and allow my stitches to unravel bit by bit,
till I can taste the all so familiar bitterness yet again.
It shouldn't mean anything when i heard that they had gone overseas together.
It shouldn't affect me at all. especially since it had been this long [4months&14days] that i ended the chapter reluctantly.
but I just feel so bitter inside.
And that aftertaste has this tinge of sourness of that in expired milk.
You get overwhelmed by the unpleasant taste, you instinctly want to get rid of that aftertaste in your mouth.
but it lingers on....
sometimes i wonder if giving my best is ever good enough.
cos it does appear that it isn't
cos noone appreciates it
not in the area of romance at least.
and so it lingers on....
Sunday, September 20, 2009
and there it goes again.
there u were in my dream, like back in the old times.
smiley and happy: both of us.
and i woke up with an emotion i cant really grasp.
and everything just shatter back to dust
everything the same
yet nothing's has changed.
again.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Just took my bath and got all comfortable for bed.
Despite the physical exhaustion, my mind is still going like train on the loose.
Preoccupied with everything except sleep.
My day started off pretty usual, with me getting on the train and snoozing all the way through
and getting to lesson on time and sitting through lecture.
Was having a lecture on advertising this morning, all the interesting advert clips really intrigued me.
Whoever made them were really incredible.
How i wish I could one day produce something that wonderful.
thereafter, my tuesday blues were driven off by my ever-so-therapeutic theatre lesson.
Finally narrowed down to the eventual scene me and my partner will be performing 2 weeks later.
Its pretty ironic how my partner is acting as the lesbian while I am acting as the straight guy.
I think that play has a pretty perverse concept but nevertheless interesting.
Its by Eleanor Wong titled mergers and accusations.
I really enjoy acting. Being able to be someone else for awhile and just be free from being myself sometimes.
It feels refreshing and without doubt fun.
I am considering minoring in theatre. sounds pretty crazy for someone as shy as one currently.
but i hope i will be able to conquer that and one day just be able to perform in front of a crowd without shivering intensely in nerves and fear.
Headed for my army cohesion and met up with the rest.
I never knew I am a closeted army fanatic till i met them today.
Despite my usual complains how i dreaded army, I never fail to miss and reminisces the time I spent with my buddies in camp.
From doing the most mundane and mindless things to going through shit work and talking cock.
It really made up a significant part of my life.
I miss the time in camp with them, its really like a second childhood where we all do real stupid things and just laugh our days away.
and whats best i get to see my ah beng crush. hahaha.
but sadly heres another unrequited affection.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I am back from yet another long hiatus.
Just felt like i needed a tangible platform to voice out and pen down my thoughts.
A series of events have taken place during this seemingly long period of hiatus.
some of which I no longer wish to revisit despite me getting affected by it time to time,
some of which I find that there's this need for me to speak about it,
some of which I hope that I can do something more about than just being able to confide on this platform,
some of which I hope to voice it out and thus sort out my thoughts and banish my insecurities.
--------------------
Seeing my cousin and cousin-in-law having to go through this painful phase pains me.
My cousin-in-law has been diagnosed with tumors in head and is predicted to have only a period not more than half a year to live.
He's only in his 20s and here he is fighting for his life.
And my cousin has exhausted all her energy and money to care for him.
It's really heart wrenching to see her being so emotionally, physically and mentally drained.
There's so much I would like to help but there's so little I can do.
I have decided to write a song for them. hopefully inspiration strike me soon enough for me to finish it soon.
Life is indeed unpredictable.
